11And he said, A certain man had two sons:
12And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.
13And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
14And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
15And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
16And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
17And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
18I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
20And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
21And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
22But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
23And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
24For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
25Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing.
26And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.
27And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.
28And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.
29And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:
30But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.
31And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
32It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found...
I am always consistently amazed at my shortcomings and how God is so very faithful. The past 10 months of my life have been a series of rollercoaster up's and down's. Spiritually speaking I would have my good days and my bads, but in the past couple months things got real bad. When I went home in June, i felt that the Lord was going to take away all my problems and that things would be ok. But I fell into the biggest ditch in my life.
I need not go into details but i turned away from the Lord for a period of time and did my own thing. Nothing major in anyone's book, but sin is sin and the universal penalty of death. I believe alot of my reasons were for simply doubting God and his existence from a lack of being in church and around fellow brothers and sisters.
That said I feel like it brings up another issue. Is my Christian walk based off of the support of the church family? Has that all its ever been? Has the past 7 years of my life been church based and not Christ-based? Where is my own personal devotion and strength with God? These are questions I asked myself. And while i walked alone i became increasingly miserable. I couldnt find happiness in anything anymore. You know how it feels like youre just going through the motions. I want something to live for, not just temporal ideals that come and go with the culture.
So last Sunday the message was...your breaking point is your beginning. I felt like it applied to me and as I listened to the message the flood of good things that i'd recieved of the Lord in the past came back to me and i couldnt reason with myself any other way but for Him. At the end of the service I quietly prayed and asked God for His understanding and His forgiveness of my foolishness. Neil, the guy who invited me to Apex, walks up to me and says, "something looks different about you! your appearance has changed." What a blessing. I couldnt stop smiling for the rest of the day. I know God is real and He changes lives and brings stray sheep back into His fold.
Keep me in prayer that God will give me strength to continue serving Him day in and day out. I love you all! | 
